As 2014 comes to an end, I decided to write about my crazy year. Looking back, I feel like a cotton candy stick uncontrollably spinning in a sticky hot mess of goodness. I can't even slow down to catch my breath and reflect on the past 365 days of my life. This year I decided to take a leap of faith and quit my part-time job and cross my fingers I could survive off of modeling. It was my first time I decided to put all my eggs in a basket since I first got scouted at a shopping mall when I was a teenager. My short-lived career rapidly took off and I found myself in a state of everlasting exhaustion. And every success in this industry means at least 10 rejections. I'm realistic enough to know that pursuing a modeling career that lasts more than a couple years would just be a waste of my witty brain. And I've learned that the model world is the furthest thing from glamorous. This year I had the opportunity to get a snippet of the model industry internationally when I got to go to Thailand. Thailand is paradise. I fell in love with the culture, food and beaches.
I wish I could touch bases of everything exciting that happened to me this year: like booking my first commercial, Lollapalooza in Chicago, signing with an agency in San Francisco, my first Vegas trip, transferring colleges, moving into my first apartment in LA, experiencing dreamy Coachella for the first time, having two published editorials, my 21st birthday, launching Teal Kitty (!!!) and so much more. It would be a book to write all this (and I'm sure you're not that interested), and this is already too long. I could write a novel to be honest.
I am living my absolute dream. I had my downfalls as well. Starting in summer I experienced loss after loss. Three funerals within the season, two of them being grandparents. I experienced a termination of an attachment that I believed was my fault for ever falling for words. And one night I found myself in a scene from Eat Pray Love on my bathroom floor as I basically reiterated the first 30 seconds of The Heart Wants What It Wants music video on the phone with my best friend across the Pacific Ocean at 3am. I never talk about failure but I feel I should share my advice for what it's worth so you don't experience what I did. And I hate writing this since I feel like I'm giving someone satisfaction by claiming that I experienced distress. But my one thing I always tell everyone is: don't let one person control all of your emotions. You're worth too much to let one person make you feel so terrible. I still haven't found a romance that makes me feel the same way as I do when I go to the handbag section of Barney's. Part of my post-desolation decisions turned into a form of a plane ticket to Europe. It was like an impulse buy on a sale rack. I thought of it the same way I did when I bought a leather jacket on sale in July: this is irrational but why not. And 11 weeks later, here I am. In a place I have dreamt about my entire life: Ireland.
I'm half Irish, and this has been a place I've heard about my entire life. The people, culture, and scenery is nothing less than magical. It doesn't matter how cold and rainy it is here, your heart will still feel warm. My sister is living in Dublin for grad school and visiting her while she's here seemed like a good enough reason. From Ireland we traveled to Italy over Christmas, and now I'm in London for New Years. I will write and document more of my trip once I settle down. This trip has been so inspiring on so many levels.
I am so thankful for every one of you who reads my blog and believes in me. I couldn't have done it without the support of my contributors and my photographer turned friends. I feel so incredibly blessed for every opportunity I had this year, and I can't wait to see what 2015 has for me. I wouldn't want my life any other way. I truly feel like the luckiest girl in the entire world. Xx